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The sage picks back up
Today in continuing whine of former Queens (I know there is a really really bad gay joke in there), I will practice live cuts and share all that has transpired:
Quick background: I am a red hatter, we had a lazy Queen. I started making noises that maybe it was time to rotate the honor (and rotate all responsibilities), no response from Miss Lazy. Once I spelled it out that her job was on the rotation block, he managed to type an response, thus:
Michele, if I am wrong please forgive me, but it seems you are bucking for the "ruling role" in our group, deciding who can be a member and who can't, etc. The persona you project just doesn't seem to go with "mommy," although I am sure you could and would come up with some alternative, more assertive, authoritative, grandiose? When the group began, no one wanted to do anything or take any kind of responsibility for anything. I was the one who said I would make arrangements and keep everyone apprised of what and where and when, and if they wanted to come and/or do they were welcome to do so. No rules, remember--number one rule of the national RHS. For a long time everyone was satisfied with just meeting once a month for lunch somewhere. I did manage to make them choose the place so we could have some variation. They didn't even want to join the national group because they were afraid someone was going to try telling us what to do and how many could come to our parties. I kept bringing up new info that I would find by going to the RHS website. When I told them about the activities that other groups were doing--parties and cruises and national get-togethers, etc. they got a bit more excited and finally voted to join the national RHS. Mom and I did all the work up until that time and then some, but because the group wasn't doing anything, it wasn't all that difficult.
Judy says that in the beginning everyone wanted things to do, but I say, no one then wanted to have to be responsible for instigating or arranging. Now she says, "...now that we have things to 'DO' we need help...in doing and co-operation of attendance..." She suggests that those wanting things to do need to get in and do their share..."stand up and take responsibility...and DO."
OK with me, except that "doing" generally costs money, and I don't have any to spare--I do good to have enough to go to lunch once a month, and now that mom needs so much care at home, I have had to cut my work hours even.
What I am saying is that I have done everything I can to keep the group going and have promoted membership and cooperation and activities and responsibility and all that all along, without much help from other members until recently. That is what Judy is saying and missing at the same time. Maybe you can force the membership to "cooperate" and "participate" and "take responsibility" by eliminating members who are not as "active." I couldn't do that because I mostly went by the "no rules" philosophy. It was even a stretch for me to have to stay in
I'm glad others want to participate now and get out and do things. But I also think it is a shame to deny those who are less active, for whatever reason (be it work schedules or lack of money or whatever), the fun of being as active as they are comfortable with. I do know it takes some response or acknowledgement from those wishing to participate in any planned activity to actually plan it. That has been the main problem I have had since the beginning. When I brought that up (repeatedly) in the beginning, many told me that if they didn't respond to just assume they were going to be there. That didn't always work. They told me I didn't need to remind anyone, they were all adults and should be responsible enough to remember and to show up on time at the right place, etc. That really didn't work either. However, I only dropped anyone from the roles after they had specifically asked me to do so (for whatever reason) or if they hadn't come for several months and had not returned emails and/or if their phone numbers no longer worked...
I admit, I have not kept the roster as up-to-date as some think I might ought, but I kind of gave up on it as it changed so frequently with new members coming in and others dropping out without ever saying anything. Those who were interested in coming to our luncheons knew where to find us. I question how one might make any difference, as it seems there will always be those who forget or just don't take the time to let you know if they are going to be in town and/or at the luncheon or not and then show up anyway (or don't show up when they said they would be there...).
I asked you to be the activities coordinator because I knew you were a "do-er." Judy is a "do-er" too, but I think she frequently has other things, family activities and such, that fill up her schedule and mind and though she has often said if I needed help to call her, I didn't see that as an indication of desire to be responsible for arranging or taking a real leadership position. I'm not saying you don't have other things going on too--I know you do! But you seemed willing to put in the extra effort and time to do that kind of thing from the beginning. You have way to much energy....
i'm just mommy
Also, just what exactly are the responsibilities of the Queen? I did not appreciate you last email to me, and am willing to discuss
it at the meeting Friday.
Next opine was:
I don't have the info with me this morning but will email it to everybody next week for those who aren't there tomorrow to get it.
Michele, I am sorry if you took offence from my note to you. You emailed me a week or so ago that you didn't feel our group was taking things seriously enough for you and that maybe you should look for another group that would (take things more seriously). What was that?
I do understand the need to have some idea of who will show up to scheduled activities, to have communication between those making the plans and those who indicate they are interested in participating. I have had that problem all along--people not communicating their intent, then showing up expecting me to have planned for them (or not showing up when I had to guess they would). But that is something that all groups have to deal with to some degree I think. There was a time when we had everyone who came to a luncheon sign in and then sign up on a separate sheet if they were planning on coming to the next luncheon. That didn't last very long though as some complained that was too much regimentation.
My email to you was intended to explain my perspective on the direction I see things moving within our chapter, as well as where things started and have pretty much been all along.
As far as the responsibilities of the queen,* I am the main contact person representing this chapter within the National Society. In the beginning, I was the only one who agreed to take any responsibility for anything, thus I became the "Queen Mother" of our chapter. I was willing to share responsibility, as evidenced by my invitation to you to be the activities coordinator. I had suggested to the ladies before you came along that if someone wanted to do something I was all for it. However, nobody ever spoke up to say they would do anything. A couple offered to make reservations for the monthly luncheons, but when I let them do that, they didn't check back to confirm. We had to wait while the restaurant made arrangements for us on at least one occasion. I found it easier to make sure, if I did it myself for the most part. As I stated before, however, as all we were doing was lunch once a month, that wasn't all that difficult. I think you have done an excellent job coordinating activities and "activists." And I think Judy has gained some momentum in her efforts, as well. I think that's great for the group.
My question to you is, what do you think I should be doing as queen?
mommy pat
This took us up to the meeting on Friday and by Friday night I had resigned my position as activities coordinator (just for the record, she did not appoint me anything, I just started doing it since she wasn't doing it).
Her final email was sent this afternoon (buttons being pushed, buttons being pushed):