Meow

[chelelev]

Notes to the furry butted creatures in the house:

 Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know th at sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats
are better than kids ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the time,
are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't
hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about
having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need
a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell
the children

Comments

[kerryblaze.livejournal.com]

I received this in email last week! I LOVE IT! My favorites: The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. and For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.

It is so true! My cat AND dog insist on coming into the bathroom with me.

[natgraluk.livejournal.com]

I loved this it made my cold go away for a little while

[chelelev.livejournal.com]

Glad to help! I'd send the "girls" to visit you but I think the posse in your picture would traumatize Night and Day to the point of kitty suicide attempts.

However, the dog is more than available.

[chelelev.livejournal.com]

I don't know what it is to pee by myself - unless it is during lay around on the floor in the sun patches times. God forbid you close the door on them, you might be eating something they need to check out first. They do not follow the logic of I don't come watch them pee, is it necessary to watch me?

My two cats do WWF smackdowns 3 or 4 times a day, complete with NASCAR racing up and down the hall. One (Day, not the sharpest crayola in the box) will get in the bathtub and chase her tail (which is better than the tail chasing on the bed at 1 am).

[kerryblaze.livejournal.com]

My cat does the same thing in the bathtub! I love when she does it in the dark and then I flick the light on... she gets that crazed cat look and runs out. When she gets crazy and starts running around the house for no reason, I scream "Run, Katie, the demons are right behind you!" I torture her... maybe that's why she loves my husband more!

[chelelev.livejournal.com]

I will have to try the "Run Day, the demons are right behind you" line.

Both of our cats are opportunistic sluts, who ever is around to give pets, that is who they will go to. If I get up and leave a room, they both follow me, guess I am alpha kitty, no matter how many times he feeds them, I'm alpha.